Today's Top Ten

Top Ten Cool Things About Being The New Pope

10. Can always spot the Popemobile in crowded mall parking lots.
9. Conservative values. Liberal expense account.
8. Always gets preferred seating at any Applebee's.
7. Free "Get out of Hell" card.
6. No longer necessary to tip the pizza delivery guy -- just bless him.
5. Can now legitimately put "My other car is a Popemobile" bumper sticker on pick-up.
4. Infallibility makes you unbeatable at Scrabble.
3. Papal robes go for a lot of money on eBay.
2. Those jerks who made fun of you in high school? Excommunicated.
1. Same old celibacy, but new flashy gear and bling-bling.